He Devil

This is Harlem. He is the devil. He is chock full of insecurity and has serious abandonment issues. He eats everything. He pees on everything. He has a bald spot below each floppy ear. I want to break up with him but I don't know how. He doesn't understand the word no and he thinks my bed is a fire hydrant. When he gets in trouble he wants me to rub his belly. He is dyslexic and, I believe, slightly autistic. He only sits for treats and he tries to hump my chihuahua Selah. He is cockeyed which only emphasizes his bad attitude. My room always smells like urine and it's because of him. I hope one day a dog pees on him. Karmic retribution.