"Comes the dawn" by Virginia Shopstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You realize that love doesn't mean learning and company doesn't mean security. And you learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you learn to accept your defeat with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a woman or man - not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your hopes on today ... as tomorrow's ground is too uncertain ... As plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. And you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth. And you learn and you learn, with every goodbye you learn...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Love is Loving is Love
To define the undefinable is always an exercise in futility. It's like trying to capture the wind or race the sun...but each day, we humans try to conquer the existential questions posited in the crevices of our own nature. Categorical division, methods and procedures, inertia and drive are qualities innate to our species and we give them biological bases of genetics and molecular structure to attest to the sometimes wild reactions we have. The one truly magnificent ability we as people have is the capacity to love...even unconditionally. Behaviorally, and almost anthropomorphically, animals share this quality and even mirror our strange (sometimes deviant) expression of this emotion. Some have mating schedules with an array of sexual partners while other choose a mate for life. Incest, bestiality and pedophilia are misguided (and tragic) disparities in the emotional chasm we must travel across in order to express the truest form of this ability. Some of us never get there, while others are indelibly inclined to jump.
So what is love anyway? I could give you a fancy flow chart with cryptic psychological analysis attached to the seed of your development starting at birth...maybe even a hallmark card that can show you what it's supposed to be like (I'll even throw in a valentine's commercial or two). Either way, it still wouldn't do it justice and I'm not so blithely unaware of my insignificance to even force my views. What I will say is that in love, form equals function. The relationships we hold are unique moldings shaped by the push and pull of our lives. The love that we possess is a gift that is special for everyone and distinct to each individual and no earthly possession could replace, mimic or induce it because true love has no real consequence. The fear of pain, neglect and loneliness are choices of the individual. We make our choices the way we make our beds, our breakfast and our lives. To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all. It's true and those that disagree are generally the deeply wounded who never got enough love in their lives. Because, to have truly experienced love whether in family, relationships or feeding a hamster the expression is so pure (with no long strings or barbed wire attached) that to regard it as anything negative is next to impossible. You take from a situation what you want whether it's the pain or the joy, it is a choice. To me love is growth and exploring our own capacity sometimes with the help of other beings. But loving yourself is the only way of loving anything else in this world.
So what is love anyway? I could give you a fancy flow chart with cryptic psychological analysis attached to the seed of your development starting at birth...maybe even a hallmark card that can show you what it's supposed to be like (I'll even throw in a valentine's commercial or two). Either way, it still wouldn't do it justice and I'm not so blithely unaware of my insignificance to even force my views. What I will say is that in love, form equals function. The relationships we hold are unique moldings shaped by the push and pull of our lives. The love that we possess is a gift that is special for everyone and distinct to each individual and no earthly possession could replace, mimic or induce it because true love has no real consequence. The fear of pain, neglect and loneliness are choices of the individual. We make our choices the way we make our beds, our breakfast and our lives. To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all. It's true and those that disagree are generally the deeply wounded who never got enough love in their lives. Because, to have truly experienced love whether in family, relationships or feeding a hamster the expression is so pure (with no long strings or barbed wire attached) that to regard it as anything negative is next to impossible. You take from a situation what you want whether it's the pain or the joy, it is a choice. To me love is growth and exploring our own capacity sometimes with the help of other beings. But loving yourself is the only way of loving anything else in this world.
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